If you have never heard the term inner critic, let me introduce you to it. Your inner critic is that small voice you hear in your head. You know, the one that mostly says awful things about you?
THINGS LIKE…
“There is no way I can do that”.
“I will never be the weight I want to be”.
“I look horrible today.”
“I am a terrible mom.”
“I wish I could be more like (person x).”
“What is wrong with me?”
NICE TO MEET YOU
The first time I was introduced to my inner critic was when I learned it was there. Even though I had a great deal of experience with poor self talk, I didn’t realize it had a term and that everyone has one! When I worked at Target Corporation in product design and development I took a leadership speaking workshop. It was required for my position and I was dreading the week-long course.
During the week-long workshop I expelled a lot of nerves. However, as the week went on I got better and better at presenting and speaking to the group with ease. At the end of the week it was one of the most valuable experiences I have had that led to a lot of growth and belief in myself.
The woman who taught the workshop was charismatic and fun to listen to. I remember her bringing humor into a conversation with her own inner critic. She recommended we give our inner critic a name. That way we can observe it as separate from ourselves and talk to it and tell it to step back when it gets out of hand.
Our inner critic is something outside of ourselves. It is not us! This was such a helpful piece of advice. I honestly don’t remember what I called my inner critic as I took the workshop close to 10 years ago. Viewing my inner critic not as myself was a game changer and so was the realization that EVERYONE has an inner critic!
THE INNER CRITIC IS NOT YOU
You might be asking if we all have an inner critic it must serve a purpose right? You are correct! Our inner critic does serve a purpose. It can help us see where we may have veered off course and guide us to get back on track. It helps us check ourselves when behaviors or actions could be dangerous for us and it encourages self development and growth.
Our inner critic warns us with negative self talk to ensure that we don’t do anything that “society” would reject. Even though we may not be in real danger our bodies are doing what they have done for thousands of years. This ensures we fit in and are accepted. Social rejection in the past could have been a real threat to our survival. I am not saying we should follow societal norms just using this to help explain how our brain is using it to keep us safe.
As children, our inner critic begins as a self-protection mechanism that protects us from rejection, disappointment, embarrassment, and sadness.
THE INNER CRITIC AS A PROTECTOR
Our inner critic serves the purpose of protection however, it can bring on feelings of shame, guilt, low self esteem, lack of confidence and doubt in ourselves and what we are capable of. If we let it take complete control which is easy to do it will eventually lead to low self esteem and overall poor self image. It will get in our way and hold us back from accomplishing the things we want to accomplish and from living a truly fulfilling life.
The reality is we all have an inner critic and that inner critic is with us every minute of every day. It’s not going anywhere so instead of allowing it to bring us down what if we became friends with it and allowed it to raise us up?
FRIEND OR FOE
Your inner critic is going nowhere so making friends with it can allow you to use it to your advantage. Here are three things you can do to make your inner voice your BFF vs. your enemy.
REFRAMING
Reframe what your inner critic says. Most of what we tell ourselves is not true. It is our brain’s way of protecting us from danger. Despite the fact that the threat is unlikely to be real.
Try creating a new story around what your inner critic is saying. For example, if you hear your inner critic say, “You’ll never get a promotion” try reframing it to something like this, “I may not get promoted this month but I will keep working hard and putting myself out there and it will eventually lead to being promoted into the right position that will utilize my skills.”
I love the idea of talking to yourself the way you would speak to a child or someone you care about. Would you talk to your son or daughter the way you speak to yourself? Probably not. So, take what you are hearing and frame it as if you were talking to someone you love.
NOT SUCH A BAD GUY
Know that your inner critic is trying to protect you. When you hear that nagging voice say “hello” to it. If you have a name for your inner critic address it by name. Tell it thank you for trying to protect you but that you are OK and don’t need its advice today. This may sound silly but it really works.
Also, don’t always assume your inner critic has ill intentions. When you are talking to it tune into what it is saying and see if there is anything of value there. Sometimes our inner critic can be a very useful tool and can help alert us to the things that we need to change in our lives. What can be learned from what our inner critic is telling us? Is there something I am hearing that I should explore? Get curious!
IS IT TRUE
Ask yourself whether what your inner critic is telling you is true. More than likely you have had this thought more than once.
Ask yourself when was a time you proved your inner critic wrong. For example, if during a workout your inner critic tells you to stop because there is no way you can do it. Think of a time or times when you finished your workout and focus on that. Prove your inner critic wrong! Your inner critic can help remind you and show you what you are capable of! In turn, this will motivate you and push you forward helping you to accomplish your goals and aspirations in life.
At the end of the day we can either make friends with our inner critic and use it to guide us and drive our futures. Alternatively, we can allow it to get to us and bring us down. Today is the day that you stop allowing that negative and judgemental voice to bring you down and you learn to use it to your advantage!
I hope this post was informative and helps you on your journey.
In Love, Health + Gratitude,
Katie
*Image Credit: Upsplash